Thoughts from the Middle of Nowhere

I wish I could say something exciting was going on around here but that is not the case. Same old stuff. We are about a third done calving the heifers all ready. Quite a difference from last year where we didn't have very many calves the first cycle. This year they are coming fast and furious.

The new hired hand is still on schedule to be here. The old one hasn't left yet so I am not hammered too bad. My present guy is really moving stuff out though so the home should be ready when the new guy gets here.

I did have one live and one dead calf on the cows all ready. I know the one with the live calf got in early with the boyz so she was an early calver. The dead one though was definitely premature. I don't know why I get it but every year i get a few premature, dead calves just before the cows start calving. The vet seems to not be too worried about it but it just bothers me a little. Why do they do it? What is the cause? I don't think I will ever know.

All I know is the grind is getting me down right now. The lack of sleep from checking heifers is really getting to me and I am always tired. I can't get enough sleep and it doesn't feel like I ever will. It will get better eventually, I know, but it doesn't feel like it at this point. My brain feels like mush. The question becomes, does my brain feel like mush because of the lack of sleep, or does it feel like mush because of all the bullshit the politicians, Clinton and Obama and McCain and others, feed us this campaign season? I personally think a little bit of both.

A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. Stewart Alsop

Sleep, what a precious commodity that can be at times. I always have trouble sleeping when it comes to certain things around the ranch here. Branding and shipping being the two things that regularly cause me sleep problems. Hell, everything can be going good and I still can't sleep because of the added stress of these things weighing on my mind, subconsciously I know, but what can I do about it?

So here I sit, unable to sleep. This time, there is more to it than shipping, but with shipping looming over my head it's only another thing causing me to toss and turn, not able to sleep. Events have conspired to throw other things in my path that has really led me to be sitting here not sleeping. I had a guy yesterday tell me that I wouldn't sleep tonight wondering about what I had done. He really hit it on the head. I didn't sleep well last night and tonight is the same.

I am so tired that it isn't even funny but sleep will not come and bash me on the head. Too many thoughts and feelings are running around inside my head for me to really be able to relax and sleep. To sleep, to dream, to shut down my mind and let that rest come would be so nice, but alas, I don't see it happening tonight. Logically I know sleep will come eventually to me but right now my heart doesn't see it. It's weighed down by too much worry and wonder about what is next to see the sleep that would help me out.

How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads; to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams. Bram Stoker