Thoughts from the Middle of Nowhere

Q: How do you make holy water?

A: Put it on the stove and boil the hell out of it.

Thanks to Ozguru for this one.

I laughed at this one till I hurt for some reason. Then I saw this next one and really had a good roll on the floor.

PETA sues FermiLab for cruelty to Schrödinger's Cat; outcome uncertain

Thanks to Johannes for this one.

This one really struck me. I guess I needed a really good laugh for two such jokes to set me off but they did. Thanks to those who posted them, I needed it.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen

Voters trust Burns, politician says

Trust. Burns. Two words that are used in one sentence that make me laugh.

I love to laugh-and I do, whenever I find something funny or have a reason to laugh. Paul Getty

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Libertarian."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

I recieved the following story via e-mail and wanted to share it with everybody. It provides a very important observation on life in the moral of the story. Enjoy.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and
so we decided to get married. My friends encouraged me. And my
girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one
thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of
her. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near
anyone else.

One day, little sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me
that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She
told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and
couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw
them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out
of the house and walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes
he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

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