Yesterday we went out and got our Christmas tree. My Christmas fiend (youngest daughter) went with me and every one else stayed home. The trees on the place were awful dry but we finally found one that would work and cut it down. I personally like a cedar tree for a Christmas tree but they are next to death due to the drought so I had to settle for a Ponderosa Pine. This drought has been so long I don't remember when the last time I was able to get a cedar tree but it was a while ago.
Once home and installed in our adobe, everybody commenced to decorating it. Even the boy got into decorating this year and wanted to take part. He didn't have enough finger dexterity to hang the ornaments himself so mom helped him but it was good to see him helping and getting involved.
I have been having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year so I have been concentrating on the Spirit of Christmas hoping it would lead me to the festive mood. I hoped setting up a tree would lead me further along in the Christmas spirit and it worked, in a way I never anticipated.
Having an autistic child is a lot like dealing with a death for me. You go from having normal expectations for your child to having completly different expectations which are completly different for your child. I have dealt with this fairly well over the past year and a half but occassionally I still have to grieve for the lost expectations and dreams I had for my son. I think this was my problem this year cause last night I sat and cried for our, my sons and mine, lost expectations and dreams. I guess at this time of year I needed to grieve and did. I still sometimes need this but not as often as I used to. Just like all grieving it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders and acceptance of the situation followed.
I am in more of a Christmas spirit now and I feel better about my situation and the world. Like I said, the tree helped in a way that was not expected but it helped. Merry Christmas to all, it will be here.
Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world. Calvin Coolidge
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Each of us has some victories and some very deep disappointments in our lives. Some are of our own choices and some, like yours, just happened.
I, too, am grieving a situation that I can not control. It has completely shaken my faith which is making Christmas very difficult this year but I just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other and remember that every day the sun comes up.
Peace, my friend.
David- I don't haunt myself with unrealistic expectations but I do have expectations more suited to him. All parents do.
Bonnie- Remember this.
GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.
so helpless here in Wyoming, that I am not able to be of more help.
I know that with all the support from you and especially his Mother
and sisters, he will accomplish all that the Lord will allow.
God bless you all on this holiday and have a Merry Christmas. You are
always in our heart.